Reality check!

Well... First week is almost over. This weeks training is at least, because tomorrow its 17th of may and that is our national day - so tomorrow will be all about ice cream, hot dogs and family and friends. Tomorrow my running shoes will get a bit rest. My new running shoes actually - and they are so new that they don't need a rest. :) I bought them today and they are very good! But they don't make me faster... I guess it will take a couple of weeks before I can start feeling happy about going out to run. Right now it feels like a pain in the ass... I truly, deeply HATE the last hill up to where I live! It makes my legs go sour and I have BIG problem getting up before I can take a brake and stretch. My running route is my Nemesis right now. :)

I ran with my best friend today - and we tried to push each other a little bit. It worked the first time - but the last time I got extremely worn out and almost stumbled in to our goal line. But we managed to shape of the time with 1 minute! Not bad for two runners in terrible shape. :D My friend struggled just as much as I did and that was a bit of comfort to me. She usually is better than me when it comes to lunge capacity (she is usually in better shape than me and I have that damn asthma also), but right now we are quite equal. The most significant difference is that she is more competitive than me. I have no competitive bone in my whole body... I just give up rather than push myself. When I ran the last sequence I could hear one tiny voice yelling "you can do it!!" "Damn you're good!" but there was a stronger voice shouting "Oh, shut up! You are never gonna make it! Why hurt yourself and trying to make a goal that doesn't count in the big world?" And I honestly doesn't understand why I push myself... The world would never explode if I don't make it on a better time than before. I don't think competitive at all. I can hardly remember why I do run. The whole idea of getting in better shape is a goal I only have when I'm sitting in my couch and feel fat and ugly after eating to much candy. I need to practice on thinking more at my goals and remember what I work towards. I need to learn how to think more competitive. Even if the competition is myself and my own body.

So I apparently have more to work with when it comes to my mental health. :) How to stress down and how to be more competitive and focused. Anyhow - I'm VERY satisfied with my week! I have trained 5 days this week. 3 running and 2 in the gym. I have tried to implicate meditation in my daily routine and the only thing that I haven't paid much attention to is the drawing. I'm gonna do that when I feel that I have the training in order. I can't change my world in one time. :) Just starting a little by little...